P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
