did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
