He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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