1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
