Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
