Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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