just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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