Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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