come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
