i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
