So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
