Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
