Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
