When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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