I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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