Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
