this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
