Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
