if i can run in heels then i can drive
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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