do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
