My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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