i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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