I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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