I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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