apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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