I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
