College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
