I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
