not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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