bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
