I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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