i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
