Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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