Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
