omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize