think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize