i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
