She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
