i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
