His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
