Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
