New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
