it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
