so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize