I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
