Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
