Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize