they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
