i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
