People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
