why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
