after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
