Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
