THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
