why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
