Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
