how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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