no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That was an excessively violent trivia night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
