Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
