grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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