It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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