she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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