He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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