Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
